Today is vesak day. . .

I slept around 6.30am. . . and woke up at 8.24am after a call from eric… he’s asked to be go to work coz there’s not enough staff on shift… I agree to it as dad and mum will only be back tonight… and I owe him a few times le… it’s eric that I don’t wann to reject working…

I reach cartel at about 9am… I took a cab… was lazy and tired. The feeling when I stepped into cartel was great, as I am going there to work, not to eat. I’m going to be a part of cartel’s staff again. I like those feelings. A LOT!

Everything went on smoothly . . . until 2.55pm… mum stood outside cartel, and the moment I saw her, I walked out. She demanded to see eric. I warned her not to create a scene when I asked eric out. As usual, she did what she wanns. She shouted at eric and Irene. “don’t ever find my daughter to work again. I don’t care whether you all have enough people to work anot. I don’t want you all to call her again. No more. I won’t allow her to come back and work. I don’t want her to work here.” It might sounds alright and for my own good but it’s a scene created… sth which I will never forgive and forget. . . she sux…I hate her… and this is the second time she disgraces me in front of people whom I respect and like… wtf. . . first time is during 3C’s parents-meeting-session. I got a 49.2 for English and she screamed at mr tan like hell… second time is to eric and Irene. . . she never once think for me… but she never screams at anybody of my brother. Bro’s results sux… he failed English and had failed damn badly but he’s never got screamed at, neither his teachers….

Now that this thing had happen, I will be too ashamed to step into cartel again. I will never forget what “mum” did, she may think what she’s done is for my own good, but that’s not what I want. . . she don’t consider what I want. she never bothers to let me decide for myself, but for her son, she is always able to turn a close eye.

maybe it’s due to that I seldom disobeyed her. maybe she thinks that her son is more difficult to handle. But from today onwards, I will show that there’s no difference between me and bro. I have always tried not to make her angry and tried to do things her way. Now… it’s too much… she’s gone overboard… over the limit… it’s enough already! SO, no more!

I hate her! I hate all the disgrace she’s brought to me… I’m totally ashamed. . . =’(

I do feel sorriees to dad. He’s tried to speak to me for a few times but failed. I have totally ignored him and even showed him attitude. He’s kind enough not to have brought up this thing. He knows it’s not the right time to force me to do anything because I am angry! He talked to me nicely to get me to eat some dinner. But that woman came in to my room and screamed at me. I never budge and she screams louder. Too bad, I’m already numb. I don’t feel anymore.

The big difference between my parents is dad thinks before he acts, he will try to solve problems peacefully. He doesn’t give me attitude and he tells me what’s best for me and he asked me about things. . . it’s a mutual parent-child relationship. although dad accuses sometimes, he will try to make it up. All that woman do is to scream for the whole world to know how brainless her children were…

haven stopped crying since I’m in the car around 3.05pm. I dunno how to stop. . . there’s no way to stop them… they’re taking over my smile. . . hatred is all I felt now. . . no love… nothing. . . it’s all because of that woman. . . she has destroyed me totally! =”(