hahas... i went to hougang mall today... the trip was quiet... when i first looked out of the window, there were many many different types of housing estates, new or old... the deepest impression is the terrace houses... hahas...

I WOULD LIKE TO LIVE IN A TERRACE HOUSE IN FUTURE...

coz it's very nice... condo aso can la... hahas...

reached hougang mall at abt 1.30pm... hahas... go hougang mall de popular and bought some A4-lined papers... after that walk walk... 10mins later, i left hougang mall and took a train home... hahas... not home, but to grandma house...

i'm in love with the song TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY... both the female and male version aso not bad... very nice indeed... hahas... listen to the song from my bloggy... =)

hahas... okiee la... i had fun today... maybe coz i managed to go hougang mall agn... hahas... yea... i did what i wann to agn although i din go to cartel... will go agn next time... to hougang mall's cartel... hahahas...

okiee... jialu's feelings-of-the-day...

1. proud*
2. great
3. happy
4. giddy*
5. regrets*

=)

today so sian can... 10am to 5.30pm... the longest ever time in NP... i hate it... but it's just long hours nia... not much teaching except for Applied stats and comp prog... these 2 teachers keep on teaching... as if they have no more time le... it's not difficult to follow, but to keep the attention there after an hour plus, it's not easy lorx... hahas... but i have managed to survive through the lessons... yea... hahas...

today yiting and kun hao waited for me initially at the lib, then the atrium at 5plus... after that, yiting went home... me and kun hao went to imm... then he pei me wait for mummy to come... hahas... thank you... for waiting with me and for sending and cutting the songs for me... =)

bought a printer cum scanner cum photocopier... now i have to dl the file to install the printer in my lappy... the CD given to me cnt be used for vista sia... sian diao... thank you steven for helping me to find and dl the file... =)

hahas... nth much today la... looking forward to tml... hougang mall... hahas... yea... =)

jialu's feelings-of-the-day...

1. sian
2. tired
3. grateful
4. thankful
5. happy
6. fed up
7. irritated
8. great
9. excited
10. ecstatic

hahas... that's all... tml, i guess i will have a longer post... after a trip back from hougang mall... for i would be able to straighten out my thoughts during the trip.. yep...

hahas... today is JIE EN's birthday... happy b'dae gal... she's my 2-yr old cousin... she was so happy when her mummy bought a cake for her to grandma house today... hahas...

had my 2-mins speech today... i wasn't nervous, i was juz feeling cold all over and was shivering when i was in front speaking... hahahas.. and guessed what, due to the lack of time, only five people gave the speech today and I was the last one... diao... but it was aso good la, the faster you finished, the faster you can let go of the burden... hahas... i'll post the results when the teacher announced okiee... hahas...

nth much today la... met huadong for lunch and after school... then we took 157... he went to school and i went to jurong spring to meet huiying... that gal is always complaining of having not enough time to study and not able to concentrate on her studies... yet she's wasting time to watch crunchyroll now... rubbish la... and she cut her hair today... prettier... hahas... you FLOATING now? =)

i've been eating and eating a lot sia... ai yo... i especially love the steamed cakes... hahas... very nice... but it's best with the orange sugar... hahahas... mummy always buy it for me whenever she seen it... it's got 5 colours... pink, green, brown, white and orange... chao nice!!! try it if you have the chance... and i'll show you the pictures of steamed cake the next time mummy buy agn okiee... hahas... coz today de eaten le... in my tummy now... =)

hahas.... now... jialu's feelings-of-the-day...
(TO huiying: read jiu read lorx, no comments from YOU! bleas... hahahas...)

1. excited
2. shaking*
3. shivered*
4. bloated*
5. fat*
6. happy
7. great
8. slpy
9. calm
10. missed

hahas... i wann go hougang mall!!!

P.S.: sorriees... was moody ytd night... din mean to keep sighing de... i have killed so many angels ytd... oooppss... who would like to share theirs with me? =)

today is a great day... hahas... coz i have gotten back all my results le... no more worriees le... now have to study hard for the coming exams... i have gotten 91/100 for EL TECH... =) i wann to do well and will try my best for all the papers... coz i realised when i do well, dad and mum will be happy... they will be happy... maybe coz my bro bu zhen qi bax... don't wann work hard, haven wake up yet... i dunno how to help him worz...

hahas... today supposed to end at 4pm... but 2.35pm jiu end lesson le... coz last 2hrs is FCS tutorial, supposed to do presentation.. but teacher postpone it to next wed... hahas... then we managed to get him to let us off at 2.35pm.. hahas...

alright... now for the best part... hahahas...

jialu's feelings-of-the-day...

1. happy
2. tired
3. sian
4. bored
5. sweaty*
6. pained*
7. calm
8. great
9. excited
10. annoyed

sian diao... tml is thurs... IS module day... i don't like la... especially when i have a 2-min speech for comm. toolkit tml... and for the IAC lesson, i have to go LT78... i don't even know where it is lorx... ai yo... why muz change room leh? somemore for a lesson nia... =(

chao~ sian~~~~ la...

poof~

another day is over... hahas... yea... great... today's lesson was short.. 3hrs nia... from 12pm to 3pm... all EG1 lesson... hahas... gotten back my paper... 93/100... yea... i AM happy de worz... hahas...

but... there's always up and down in life... not everybody can get what they wann... kun hao ain't happy... he's so disappointed with his EG1... and now he's mugging... he's taking it very hard... dunno how to console him sia... he always console me when i'm down, but i can't do anything to let him smile... another one... steven... his EL TECH... he's also not happy with his results... but now i think he's okiee le now? not sure worz... =)

TO kun hao.. muz jia you okiee... work hard for the coming examination... there's nth to do for this common test le... look forward bax... okiee? you can do it de okiee...

tml i'll be getting back my EL TECH results... die... i very scared... really... not faking... i hope to get an 80... not too much de... hope can bax... =)

went shopping with huiying juz now... she came to NP to find me... hahas... went JP to buy some pendants... huiying bought a pendant and a bear necklace... hahas...

alright alright... jialu's feelings-of-the-day...

1. happy
2. worried
3. energetic
4. scared
5. excited
6. tired
7. sorriees
8. missed
9. tired
10. sian

tml's lesson is from 8am to 4pm... chao sian... =(

if you are free or bored, can msg me... i can entertain you, and you can entertain me at the same time too... it's killing two birds with one stone... great! hahas... =)

today is a fine fine day... hahas... i din cry... but i do have the "going to cry" de feeling in the morning... but i din la... tried to think abt happy things... =)

eth was alright until break... that idiot... diao... he thought what he had done was cool? chao 恶心 lorx... he'd juz acting like an animal. the way he pulled ben... 很像神经病咯... the thought of it agn makes me wann to puke... i can't bear the thought of having to be in the same class with him for one year. next year might change class, hopefully won't be in the same class as him le bax...

lesson till 4pm today... hahas... was alright la... time past quite quickly... gotten back my applied statistics... yea... i got 83/100... hahas... i thought i wouldn't make it... coz it's the module i fear more... but i did try my best already... hahas... yea yea... i still have 2 more papers haven get back yet... EG1 and EL TECH... i'm more worried for EL TECH coz i din really check and i went off after 1hr... diao... now regret aso no use le la... hope i can make it bax... =)

hahas... went to imm with yiting, kim man and kun hao... reached imm le, said bye to kim man and kun hao then went to baystreet 21 with yiting... hahas... clement seem so much happier at baystreet... really so so so much more happier... than he was when he's in cartel... hahas... all the best to him... =)

alright... jialu's feelings-of-the-day...

1. happy
2. delighted
3. ecstatic
4. heng
5. touched
6. annoyed
7. irritated
8. puked*
9. longing
10. missed

hahas... i am quite elated today la... hahas...

a smile a day keeps an angel living in you alive...
a sigh a day will kill an angel...
so, which would you prefer? =)

humpf, another day has past... my birthday is coming... hahas... looking forward to my 18th b'dae... not to start a relationship, but to show you that i can do it and i do mean what i say... =)

sian diao.. today is the last day of holiday le... =(

tml will be a new term... have to start studying again... chao sian... i don't wann to start school... later i cry again... coz have to face that fellow again la... but at least that's for tml... wann cry tml then cry lorx...

initially wann go shopping de... but mum don't allow... sian diao can... =(
spoil my mood lorx... 气死我了!!!! sorriees yan qiu...

wasting the whole of today to stay at home rot... it's not meaningful at all... no work, no shopping, no fun...

hais... have to find my own entertainment at home lorx... later 2pm got 新娘18岁.. very nice show.. that show proves that age gap is nth if both parties are really in love... hahas... then i'm chatting with yan qiu... watching tv...

hahas... okiee okiee... jialu's feelings-of-the-day...

1. sian
2. hen sian
3. chao sian
4. envy
5. annoyed
6. slpy
7. bloated
8. worried
9. fear
10. sian diao

hmpff, i really don't wann tml to come... i really don't wann start school!!!

hais...

i'm feeling much much more betta today...

yesh... i'm moving on... looking forward to betta things in life... life can be great with or without relationship... hahas... we just have to find other fun in life... so ppl, it's okiee if you are not in a relationship now.. coz you have other things to look forward for... like meeting up with me? hahas...

i think shopping will be able to help me forget certain things for a while.. but nobody has asked me out for shopping... yet? are YOU going to be the one to ask me out?

woken up at 8am this morning... tired... but can't slp le... what had happen ytd still float in part of my brain... somewhere at the back i guessed? but it still comes to the front at certain times... yup yup... i'm posting rubbish now, i think so... but i'm not drunk... hahas...

anyway... din go to where i'm supposed to go today... not disappointed... don't worry and don't think too much okiee? hahas... although you have said that you won't think... well, who knows? you are not heartless after all huh? so you'll still think de bax...

okiee okiee... stop all the rubbish... jialu's feelings-of-the-day... miss this part? hahas...

1. glad
2. peaceful
3. calm
4. quiet
5. gloomy
6. moody
7. disappointed
8. irked
9. helpless
10. withdrawn

alright alright... that's all... hahas...

SEE? i'm so good huh? i din say ath you asked me not to... =)

the weather since morning was cloudy... making my mood moody... but the things that had happened worsen it...

okiee... breathe in 3 times... deeply... and here goes...

i can't make it for relationships... i just don't agree to changing to make the other party love you more... different people has got different perceptions... only 2 person with the same perception can make it to the end... 2 totally different perceptions will never last... don't start if you know you cannot make it to the end... coz you will end up hurting both parties...

i know whether i have done my best in ath i do... it's only whether i wann to say out anot only... frankly speaking... you can't have the best of both worlds... you can only choose one... and etym you have to choose one... choose the one that your heart tells you to, for that is the one you will never regret... and most importantly, never try dragging on something... it will end up worse...

always look at things optimistically... what's yours will always be yours eventually... i don't like to force things... coz i think it's pointless...

don't ask me to change for a person... i aso don't like to ask somebody to change for me... coz i think there muz be 2 persons who suits each other totally... in a sense that you don't have to change at all... you juz suit and fit with that person... i always believe that if you have to go to the extend to change for one another, then you are not suitable to be together forever...

i haven found my mr. right... and i won't have a mr. perfect... coz i don't deserve one... maybe huiying can find hers? she deserves one... everybody deserves one... but not me...

TO hui ying... you don't need lots of experience to have a mr. perfect... don't let the past affects you anymore... look forward... move on...

friends ARE for forever... couples DO break... there's no guarantee de... even married couples can divorce...

alright alright... full of boredom already? i won't continue le...

let me end it with a NOT-TO-DO-LIST... no more feelings le.. so no jialu's feelings-of-the-day for today...

1. no more alcohol for me...
2. mo more relationship for me till i'm 18...

okiee... that's all...

umm... people... i have a request... tag me whenever you read my blog? thanks... at least i know you're there...

last but not least, I'M OKIEE!

=) A SMILE CAN SPEAK A THOUSAND WORDS! trust me...

holidays ending le... chao sian... still have a group report not done yet... die... whatever la... things will get done when it's supposed to... worry too much aso no use...

i am so tired... i feel disappointed... my mood is going on its roller coaster ride again... not feeling okiee again... give me some time...

i'm going to school later... jvs... very long nv go back le... hahas... now looking after 2 kiddos... diao...

jialu's feelings-of-the-day...

1. sian
2. hen sian
3. chao sian
4. tired
5. hen tired
6. chao tired
7. disappointed
8. not looking forward to school
9. annoyed
10. vexed

i wann go hougang mall!

=(

Just came back from chalet… did I enjoy myself? omg… hao shi tai… was drunk last night… huiying they all told me I was very noisy and created a fool of myself… did i? I really don’t rmb le… I only rmb kun hao scolded me… Huiying said I was heavy leaning on her… I accompanied yi ting to the toilet twice… clement in lala land… no more… I did talk a lot… but I forgot what I’ve said… this is the first time I got drunk… so pai seh…

Being drunk is a GOOD way to avoid certain things… believe me… when you are drunk, you’ll feel happier… you would feel as if you’re floating… nobody can control you… you get all the freedom you wann… you would be able to forget things for a while…

But it’s not too good to be drunk, coz you’ll disturb others… sorriees ppl, for being too noisy last night… hahas…

Although it feels good to be drunk, I don’t think I will wann to drink like this again… I don’t think I would wann to touch alcohol again… unless I have to… in certain situations??

When I woke up in the morning, was slping beside Huiying… hahas… checked out at 10plus… dunno what happen to him… keeping all to himself… I haven done ath wrong except being drunk… he got off at his bus stop and went home… on his way, he injured himself. To avoid a car accident, he hit sth… I forgot what it is… I have deleted all msges… which caused non-stop bleeding and he went to hospital I think… he himself is drunk… not me nia… I’m much betta… at least I’ve slept… he din slp at all… the doctor said he would not be able to rmb things… but I don’t think so… I think he knows eth… he’s so damn strange and I don’t like it… he’s forgetting jialu’s kite theory…

Went to Jurong entertainment’s kopitiam with huiying and kun hao for lunch before going home… sorriees arx, Huiying and kun hao… I’m not trying to waste food, I do feel hungry but I juz don’t have the appetite… I’m very tired, giddy and sick… I juz wanna slp… that’s why I din managed to finish the food, not dieting… really… sorriees worz…

Only hua dong really understands me… or I should say… he’s the only one who guessed it right… he knows what I mean… hais…

Here goes, jialu’s feelings-of-the-day…

1. tired
2. pai she
3. shi tai
4. terrible
5. lousy
6. irritated
7. annoyed
8. puzzled
9. slpy
10. sick

alright, ending here now… juz had my shower… much more refreshed… but my mind is still confused… maybe I’m the one trying to make things complicated…

Huiying is right about something…

I am not who I am anymore… I have become so indecisive styms I think I sux to the core…

well... going chalet tml... so won't be posting le... hahas... YOU don't miss me okiee?

hahas... went for movie today... watched Shrek 3... sorriees huiying... never wait for you... but it's okiee... if you wann watch... ask me along... i wann watch again... coz the show is nice... hahas... worth watching another time... =)

today never eat proper meals at all... but ate a lot of rubbish... nachos... nuts... rice crackers...

hahas... now still eating... fat fat fat...

here goes... jialu's feelings-of-the-day...

1. happy
2. tired
3. fat
4. missed
5. glad
6. lazy
7. excited
8. needed
9. sleepy
10. annoyed

alright... ending le...

miss me okiee?

hahas... i miss dom... so so much... =X

haven been posting for 2 days?

hahas... you miss my blogging?

anyway... today was a busy day... hahas...

painting, mopping floor, vacuum floor, teach bro A-maths... watch huan zhu ge ge... huan zhu ge ge last episode today lorx... sian diao... it's a very nice show... hahas...

cnt watch lavender at crunchyroll le la... haven finish watching worz... now watching a game about love.. hahas... also very nice... then after this will be watching devil beside you... hahas...

i realised the report i'm supposed to do is not completed yet.. sian diao... still got 2 parts... i don't wann do le la... will pass it on to the others.... hais... one hack care... one keep nagging... guys nowadays are horrible cum terrible...

now... jialu's feelings-of-the-day...

1. crappy
2. tired
3. annoyed
4. bored
5. missed
6. sleepy
7. touched
8. guilty
9. sorriees
10. empty

yup yup... that's all...

not in a very good mood today... coz nth fun happen... =)

hahas... posting agn...

hen sian... anyway... today was alright... nth much happen... reached grandma house at 11plus this morning... was very tired. coz i woke up a few times last night... hahas... looked after the 2 kiddos... terrible... very noisy and playful... styms when they got into trouble, i had to act blur... don't wann bother... and i wasn't in a good shape... ... hahas... both slept around 2plus... perfect then... hahas... very peaceful and quiet...

then i watch lavender... hahas... very nice... don't miss it if you have the chance to watch it... after this, i would like to watch devil beside and smiling pasta...

crap with heng yi and kun hao... hahas...

okiee okiee... now for the best part... hahas...

jialu's feelings-of-the-day...
1. tired
2. sour
3. sore
4. sleepy
5. missed
6. neglected
7. pain
8. dirty
9. annoyed
10. loved

hahas... okiee... that's all...

i missed dom... haven msg with him much since he's back from malaysia... msged him only once, but he's busy, so nv continue to msg... but i feel he don't really care abt me like before... sort of don't wanna msg too... coz no matter how busy he is in the past... he will reply me with long msges... he's like a daddy... i missed him lots and lots worz.... hope nth is wrong...

=X

today is a boring day... whole day wait wait wait... end up only went to the market... diao...

went swimming this morning... luckily, i went in the morning... hahas... if i go later, i wouldn't know how to face the consequences...

was supposed to be dated by auntie today... after she got her fridge fixed. the time for her fridge to be fixed was scheduled between 2pm to 5pm... end up wait until 4plus still nobody came. i was waiting at grandma house... and my aunt called me to go to the market with her... omg... waste whole day waiting...

anyway... it's okiee la... hahas... watched crunchyroll lorx... lavender is nice... hahas... very nice... after i watched lavender, i'm going to watch devil beside... mao introduce one... he say nice... hahas... and i wann to watch smiling pasta... but have to wait for zhiwen... he wann watch too... hahas...

okiee okiee... ending... a little bit more... bear with me... hahas...

jialu's feelings-of-the-day...
1. bored
2. pain
3. lethargic
4. envy
5. sour
6. obese
7. tired
8. cared
9. sorriees
10. sleepy

okiee.. that's all...

=)

update update...

hahas... going to chalet next tues and wed... went down to east coast today to book the chalet room... hahas... the trip was long... damn long... back too... very tired...

anyway... had made some plannings for the chalet... hahas...

well... nth much to post today...

let's end it with jialu's feelings of the day:
1. happy
2. sweet
3. calm
4. peaceful
5. loved
6. tired
7. excited
8. missed
9. envious
10. great

alright... hahas...

i miss dom...
i love you...

today is shao en's birthday... happy b'dae, boi! hahas. he's my cousin... 4 yrs old... one of all the kiddos that i dote on most... hahas...

well well... wanna go swimming today de... but lazy... hahas... very tired... slept at 3plus, woke up at 10am...

went to far east with huiying, linda, xinyi and yanling this afternoon... i love you guys okiee? a lot a lot... hahas... don't mind me mentioning who first? hahas... and and... let's not forget the other 3.. hahas... shinmiin, yanqiu and shirley... hahas... these 3 nv come today... P.R.B's not complete today... hahas... nvm... one heart can le huh... i really missed those days... hahas... but i had fun today. thanks to all... yanling told us some ghost stories... diao... if you put your shoes in those stories... it is scary... hahas... and ppl, i'm okiee today... nv emo dao sia... hahas... DON'T listen to huying auntie... hahas... really nv emo, don't worry okiee yanling... saw suku too... hahas... missed her... we'll go out someday okiee? hahas... =)

i came back earlier... had promised daddy won't put him in a difficult position... had to celebrate shao en's b'dae too... hahas... got to buy some tidbits for bro too... i do dote on him... but what can i do to help him for o'lvls?... until today, he's still slacking... keep complaining about headaches... gosh! no sense of urgency at all...

anyway... huiying told me they've bought rings for the 8 of us... hahas... thanks huh... hahas... i'm okiee with the idea... no problem... =)

watching campus superstar now... hahas... all the gals not bad... but some of the guys so kns... hahas...

anyway... i've posted okiee... i'm not lazy... you know who i'm saying this to... hahas... bleas...

okiee... stopping here for now... but before that...

let's share jialu's feelings-of-the-day...

1. jubilant
2. calm
3. contented
4. elated
5. glad
6. warm
7. loved
8. cared
9. treasured
10. satisfied

hahas... okiee... that's all...

all in all, i do feel great today... =)

thanks!

here to update...

very tired... no matter how many hours of slp i have, it's not enough...

i'm okiee with mummy now. we've talked already. since yesterday.

went to sentosa yesterday till 1plus. had fun.

where are we going tml? nobody mentioned anything yet. will ask later huh...

anyway...feelings-of-the-day...

1. tired
2. lethargic
3. restless
4. beat
5. exhausted
6. listless
7. sleepy
8. weary
9. worn out
10. totally sick...

take care ppl. look after yourself to keep the doctor away!

am i really prone sick? you and your foul mouth huh? hahas.

wo aii ni...

i miss dom...

=)

hahas.

din post ytd. was tired and drowsy. lousy.

nth to post today. hahas.

anyway, let's take a look at the list.

feelings of the day:
- happy
- grumpy
- sick
- missed
- fear
- tired
- bored
- craved
- irritated
- engrossed

yup... hahas. watching death note and smiling pasta.

nice!

hahas...

a short post a day keeps depression away!

i missed him. i missed dom. i missed. . . you. =)

today is the first day of holiday...

have i done sth useful or meaningful?
nope... other than helping dad paint my room...
haven done anything which is memorable...
nth much to post...
let's make it a short one...

my feelings of the day:
1. bloated
2. disappointed
3. fear
4. tired
5. puzzled
6. excited
7. useless
8. missed
9. helpless
10. happy

bits and bits of different feelings make up jialu-of-the-day.

you're the one who makes the feelings count. everything is now shattered.
no dreams. no hope. no fun.
no dom. no you.

but i'm not alone, ya?
saddist....

Firstly, congrats for all common test are over. Hols start today. hahas.

Secondly, don’t feel like posting today, will just make it a short and sweet one.

Jialu’s okiee, my mood’s like a roller coaster ride. Sometimes up, sometimes down. Going to escape next Thursday, I think it will be betta if I had bad mood on that day, hahas… it’s to ensure I have more guts to try all the rides.

Hahas. going for a swim tml at my house’s complex there. The thing is I’ll be going to sakura after swimming. The sakura is at the complex there too. Hahas. fourth auntie ask me to go with her, how can I turn her down. She’s another eric. Someone whom I respect and wouldn’t bear to turn down. Well, no harm going to sakura? Just don’t eat too much lorx, swim a few more rounds? Hahas…

He msged me today. you didn’t know how glad I am. My mood changed totally. Hahas. I’m glad things changed for the betta. . .

it’s been a long time since I visited the website; www.lovecalculator.com. Hahas… it’s a website where you can type two person’s name and see their compatibility. Guess what… his name and mine got calculated and had a 99%... hahas. my bro was beside me when I calculated. He was stunned and he din wann to believe it coz he and his gal only had 46%... well, this kinda thing is either you believe it or you don’t… of coz if the results is what you wanna see, believe it, if not, forget it. There’s no need to take it too hard. So ppl, if you had the time and wanna try the fun… hahas. TRY IT! No harm. . .

There’s no tears today. only laughter. Hahas. I am happy today, but the phone bill brought down my mood. Gosh! What have I done? my sent msges was 1011. I don’t rmb sending this many? Well, I think it’s because of those mummy’s day msges? Send to how many how many to keep your mama healthy. I sent a lot. What a waste! Anyway, I’ve kept the bill. Hahas. will take it out probably on this Friday? Wouldn’t wann to take out the bill now to spoil my mood, not worth it.

I’ve been looking at couples for quite a while already. looking at them, I felt toopiid. Some don’t look compatible, but they’re very happy. I guess, relationships are meant to be taken care of and treasured. You don’t judge a person by how they look like, pretty faces is not equal to caring hearts. Hahas. I am confident now. Yea…

Now that hols is here, it’s time to plan it. I would like to spend these 2 weeks fruitfully, with no regrets but fun. There’s things which I wann to do:

1. Movies- nancy drew … shrek 3 …
2. Shopping- I wann buy shoes …
3. Swimming- burn some fats, it’s time to slim down!!!!!
4. Beach- take a breather. Take a break.
5. Chocolate factory- MeiJi’s factory (only open on Fridays for all) [MAYBE]
6. Escape theme park.
7. PRB’s gathering- ppl… let’s plan something fun!

Hahas. there’s a lot to be done okiee. I’m very busy too. With or without working. Oh ya, working… how huh? What can I do?

I miss dom. I miss him. I miss you. I miss those who miss me?!?! Hahas…

I need to post. I need to spill eth out… badly…

Today is terrible.

I have cried again. I’m useless. . . totally incapable of controlling myself. wtf.

1. I had an argument with dad again, for the same thing. He’s speaking up for mum. He said that whatever mum has done it’s for my own good, but it’s from their point of view, not mine. Why can’t they think in my shoes, about what I wann?

2. I’m jealous. Seriously, I haven been feeling jealous for a long time, and now it’s back. I sure don’t like that kind of feelings. Now I understand, what goes around comes around. It’s now back to me, and I don’t like what I’m feeling. You are the one.

3. All my friends have started planning for their holidays. Whether it’s working or playing or shopping, what’s to be done are all almost planned. But me? No plans. I wann to work but I can’t… do it secretly again? Maybe? Still considering. I definitely won’t be staying at home during the holidays. I’m going shopping, playing, do what I wann, go where I wann, alone or with somebody else, I’m going out…

It’s very sad when all your friends are doing something you would love to do but can’t. it’s very very sad. I’m feeling very emo now, chao sad.

How I wish you would msg me. How I wish you’d be there for me. An 11-words msg like that time will do just fine. It’s all I need.

Listen to the song, “the day you went away” from M2M if you have the chance. It’s very nice. The lyrics are very meaningful from the very beginning of the song. It somehow spurs me on to pursue what I wann…

Listen to the song, “would you be there” from Redwan Ali if you have the chance. It describes what I wann to tell you. The lyrics are sweet, a very peaceful song.

I have to study now. Cannot let anything affect my mood now. Have 2 papers tml and hols will begin. I have to concentrate and work hard. Today’s paper was fine, and what’s over is over. There’s no point thinking about it anyway. I have to do well for my papers tml. Applied statistic has always been the module I wann to conquer. I wann to understand it like it understands me. I will do it. EG1 is the module I wann to score in. that‘s a desire and it muz come true.

I’m not letting go of you this time. I’m not willing to. I don’t like what you are doing to me now. It hurts. You have managed to let me suffer, esp today.

Jialu’s kite theory… you have to let go and pull the kite on and off to let the kite fly higher and higher, just like a relationship, to last as long as possible. But now, you’re letting the kite fly on its own. It’s losing its direction, just like me, I’m at a lost. I dunno what else to do.

I deserved what I get after all.

Very sad. I need dom. I really need him. I dunno when he’s coming back, but hopefully soon. I would love to see him again, to talk to him.

Please be noted. . . You too. . .

I’m getting more and more fragile without your hold. You’re not the fragile one, I am. . .

Today is a boring day.

As usual, the house is peaceful, in fact much more peaceful than yesterday.

I woke up around 10plus today, was still very tired though but I wanna watch huan zhu ge ge. . .

dosed off at around 2plus last night, was waiting for his reply, but he didn’t replied. In the morning when I woke up, still no reply. sad but I deserved it huh? =(

After the show, started my revision. Hope tml’s paper will be something I expect. Finishing at 12.30pm… so early, anybody wann ask me out? hahas… was eating sour sweets when studying. To keep myself awake and to stop my sneezing.

Daddy’s re-painting the house, my room’s going to be purple. hahas. purple’s supposed to be a romantic and cozy colour… hopefully the effects of the colour will turn out as I had expected.

Still having a cold war with mummy. She talked to me this morning, but her tone wasn’t friendly, so I never replied her, juz nodded my head.

Nothing much happen today, so there’s nothing much to post.
Study, watch tv, study, watch tv, nothing else… chao sian.

No msges. Nothing from you. Do I really have to let you go? Do I have to expect the worst?
I DON’T WANN TO… I DON’T WISH TO…

My feelings for you have been confirmed. . . it has never changed from the beginning. . .
But… how am I supposed to let you know?

Blogging time. . . I have enjoyed blogging so far and I always feel better after blogging.

Today’s fine. . .

The initial plan was to go to the library to study but there’s no space, so we went to the science centre’s mac. We = kun hao and me. . . hahas. He’s so clever can? He can do all the questions I asked him. But I’m not stupid too, juz careless huh? Hahas. It’s already 3 plus after I had completed all the tutorial’s questions. Kun hao suggested that we go walk walk or play pool. I thought shopping would be nice and agreed. We ended up at entertainment centre. He wanted to play pool worz. This is the first time he decide on something. Hahas. On our way to the entertainment centre, we called yiting and asked her to join us. At the pool shop, I called zhiwen and asked him if he wanted to play pool too. Guess what? He’s there, but at the lan shop. I was outside so he came out. I remained outside while I called Huiying. Hahas. That girl is always so traumatized with her work. Gosh!

Zhiwen and kun hao continued playing until yiting arrived. I didn’t wann to play de. I have never tried before can? In the end, I tried. Zhiwen taught me how to play, how to hold that stick(forgot the name), etc. hahas. yiting and kun hao played at another table.

At about 5.30pm, zhiwen had to leave coz he’s got to work at 6pm. All the while when he’s playing with kun hao before yiting arrived, I felt his eyes on and off. When he was teaching me, I was the one who kept my eyes on him, for I’m afraid a stupid student will cause the teacher to drop-dead on the floor. Hahas. he teaches well. I tried to learn as much as I could, but I juz can’t aim properly. Anyway, practice makes perfect. Hahas. I’m sure more practice will do the trick.

Anyway, when he left, I followed. I didn’t know why I followed him out, maybe coz I wanted to ask him something. But in the end, I din asked, said bye and turned back.

After a while, I left too. Went to buy dinner for family. I felt hard-hearted when I’m on my way home, damn emo. But luckily, it was peaceful when I reached home. No arguments, no quarrels. Good. . . that’s what I need.

Before I started writing the post, I have already completed my EL Tech’s common test papers. Have to do my best this Monday… hahas. cnt let kun hao down. Teaching me can vomit a lot of blood, I pity him huh…hahas.

Haven taken my dinner. I have no appetite.
I missed dom. Zhiwen said that he had gone to Malaysia, juz as I’ve known for dom’d told me before, but didn’t know when he would be back.
It’s okiee. . . I’m feeling much much better now. . . thanks to all who have shown concern these few days.

Things are getting stranger and stranger. I know lesser and lesser about myself nowadays.
Do I only need him, or do I really wann him by my side?

Hey, can anybody define parents?

To me, parents are supposed to be angels who support and guide you through obstacles with invisible but strong lights the moment you are born till you’re gone. . .

Well, I agree that parents see and do things which they felt was good from their point of view. Nevertheless, they should sometimes leave their point of view and look at my point of view, right? That’s only being fair.

Had an argument again juz now. Not with mum. Haven been talking to her since a fierce quarrel yesterday. And it’s only left with dad. Yup, argued with him juz now. At first, I only listen to him talked, I didn’t wann to talk back. I have no strength and I didn’t want to. Also, I’m learning and trying to look at things from his point of view. In the end, I still shouted back. I can’t take it anymore. The more I kept quiet, the more accusations he made. He said I didn’t have any responsibilities. He said I didn’t do what I’m supposed to yet I have done all that I’m not supposed to do. He said I always never listen to them. He said I find trouble for nothing. He said I didn’t do anything to help bro improve his work. He said outsiders’ words are more important than theirs. He said that outsiders are more important than my own brother’s safety and well-being. He said that I am as insensible as bro.

Isn’t that wonderful? wtf… bro was the one who had said that he would be going out the next day after he prayed. Due to vesak day, he had to pray as dad’s not at home. So he had to do it coz I’m a girl. But I didn’t tell dad that part, if I do, bro will get another scolding. I kept it to myself and ended up with more scoldings. It sux! I argued back and broke down halfway. But, I managed to rattle on, to continue what I had wanted to say from the beginning.

I don’t care anymore. It hurts a lot when dad said those words. It stings. Totally fucked up… I only went to work and ended up getting scolded for not listening to them. What the hell.

Working gives me a sense of satisfaction. I enjoy working and the passion I have for working at café cartel is great. Damn great. I feel more independent when I worked. When the customers smiled and praised me, I felt good. Working might be tiring but when the customers thanked you, you know very well that you’ve done a good job serving them, although it’s disappointing when some customers scold. When you work, you have a sense of belonging. The sense of belonging is nice and people trust you to ask you to look after the floor. In a nutshell, I like working. . . . . .

I miss dom. He would have understood what I meant. How I hope I could speak to him now. I have so much to tell him. He would sure have the right words to tell me and things that I could do.

Sorriees PRB. Haven been a great companion today. but honestly, I have tried my best to speak up. You guys are the ones I have spoken the most words to today.

Haven been paying attention to lessons today. I have been sleeping instead coz I’m really tired. My eyes can’t stay open for a long time and my mind’s drifting. Will be going to the library tomorrow. Have to do some catching up. Common test starts next Monday. Time to wake up from illusions.

I have cried again, even harder this time but I stopped faster than yesterday. I am so useless. I can’t control myself, my tears. I have told myself never to break down in front of people again, but I failed.

I’m losing myself. It’s tiring to come home and faked up a strong front. hais. . .
huiying once said: sighing kills an angel in you.
But it’s not possible not to sigh. I doubt there are angels in me anymore.
sick again. . . =(