today marks the end of examination.
this semester had been really really tough; both mentally and physically.
whatever my results turn out to be, i will take it and work harder the next time.

i am actually rather glad that i am going to have attachment first. at least i will get to have a six months break. although work might be as tough or even tougher, i will get to be in a new environment and do something different.

just look at everyday with a different attitude.
maybe things will look better that way ah.
=]

got this from xinyi's blog.
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
personality test.

this is my results.

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

be it true or not. just some guides in life.
no harm knowing more.
if it's meaningful then pay more attention to it.
or else, it's alright.

3 exams coming in no time.
i just hope things will get better, let things go the way i want! =X

now. everything has changed.

I AM NOT GOING FOR OVERSEAS INTERNSHIP ANYMORE.

hmmm. why the sudden change?

it is due to several reasons.

however, the most important reason is, i will only be getting 500RMB for allowance. but, i need to fork out 700RMB for rental fees, 50RMB for internet and 85RMB for utilities bills and in total sums up to 835RMB. look, i am only earning 500RMB every month but i had to fork out 835RMB. doesn't seem too reasonable for me to go.

secondly, i can't possibly be spending a large sum of money, be it mine or parents' money, and they will still need to worry for me every single day when i am away. i will be too selfish if i go despite that.

and up till now, i have yet to get my subsidy. and what's more, a lecturer had calculated for me and mentioned that i will probably only be getting S$1200 to S$1300, which will only be enough for an air ticket.

the lecturer who is in charge of me for attachment mentioned before that the main purpose of overseas trip is to enrich learning, but money is an issue, ain't it? i can't go against everybody for a trip.

now that i have decided to stay in Singapore, my parents are much much happier and my dad told me it's a burden off his heavy-enough shoulder.

but, as i opt out only now, i am probably left with in-house project for attachment. which means for six months i will be going back to school every day from 9 to 5 or 6 to do project. although it's going to be very very tough for me, but at least my parents are happy with my decision. i will just have to work doubly hard and get over with poly life.

i am such a weakling.

my tears flow like a tap.
and the problem is i cannot control the tap.
i have been trying to bear with it, to bear with it and to bear with it.
now that i'm already letting go of the incident.
i teared over another incident.
time.
let it heal me well again.
let it bring me to the day i will be back in the arms of my loved ones.
just hoped that i can survive through everything and get home safely.

3 more exams.
please, hold on.

dad told me today's moon is reported to be the biggest or brightest in 52 years.
we looked a few times but it still looks kind of same.
although dad and mum dunno what's really wrong with me these days, they still cared as much or even more than i have realised in the past. they tried probing a few times, thought i was having a bad quarrel with sb, telling me that couples do argue sometimes... just give in to one another ...
i felt really terrible when i keep the truth from them. but i do not want to make them worry. i think it's time i work certain things out myself instead of relying on them all the time.

i broke down after econs test today. i am totally not up for it. but at least i tried. and thankfully, the test marks the end of the module. now, i am left with 3 exams and 1 test and really really, it's time for a break.

things looked and felt better now that i know i can make it for the trip. but i cannot be sure what holds out in the near future. i just hope things will get better.

one more test tomorrow and i will be able to give myself a really short break.
please, bring me through.

thanks to confidant for being there to listen and straighten things out for me. treasure your health please and take extra care.

although dear haven't been real please with me nagging and grumbling about the same thing all these days, at least he tried to keep me accompanied and make sure i eat, well.

maybe maybe, sometimes i really think too much. but please understand, i cannot help but think. that's all i can do, ain't it? and i tend to think the negative way. why give myself so much hope and fall badly afterwards? i don't do that.

every one, please do not take things for granted. learn to appreciate - your family, your loved ones.

原谅是这个世界上最最高境界的事情。。。
如果没有遗憾过，就学不会坚强。。。
路再不好走，也要努力走下去。。。
过了这段漫长的恶梦后，一定会雨过天晴。

这些都是看电视看来的。
真正学会了多少我不知道。
我只知道我真的累了。

i shall bear the consequences of this incident.
i will take this as a lesson learnt.
i can't let my parents know this.
i can't bear to let them worry and be angry.
they have told and warn me umpteen times, yet i chose to do otherwise.
this is heart-breaking for me for gpa means a lot to me. i need all the marks to make it.
but eventually, i am not given a second chance.
i cry no more. i had to learn to be strong.
this is one of the biggest obstacles in my life so far.
i accept for doing wrong.
i blame no one.
i shall blame no one.
i will force this down my throat.
i promise, i will never let myself get into such situation again.
this will be the last time.

now, i just hope my trip will not be affected.