Hey, can anybody define parents?

To me, parents are supposed to be angels who support and guide you through obstacles with invisible but strong lights the moment you are born till you’re gone. . .

Well, I agree that parents see and do things which they felt was good from their point of view. Nevertheless, they should sometimes leave their point of view and look at my point of view, right? That’s only being fair.

Had an argument again juz now. Not with mum. Haven been talking to her since a fierce quarrel yesterday. And it’s only left with dad. Yup, argued with him juz now. At first, I only listen to him talked, I didn’t wann to talk back. I have no strength and I didn’t want to. Also, I’m learning and trying to look at things from his point of view. In the end, I still shouted back. I can’t take it anymore. The more I kept quiet, the more accusations he made. He said I didn’t have any responsibilities. He said I didn’t do what I’m supposed to yet I have done all that I’m not supposed to do. He said I always never listen to them. He said I find trouble for nothing. He said I didn’t do anything to help bro improve his work. He said outsiders’ words are more important than theirs. He said that outsiders are more important than my own brother’s safety and well-being. He said that I am as insensible as bro.

Isn’t that wonderful? wtf… bro was the one who had said that he would be going out the next day after he prayed. Due to vesak day, he had to pray as dad’s not at home. So he had to do it coz I’m a girl. But I didn’t tell dad that part, if I do, bro will get another scolding. I kept it to myself and ended up with more scoldings. It sux! I argued back and broke down halfway. But, I managed to rattle on, to continue what I had wanted to say from the beginning.

I don’t care anymore. It hurts a lot when dad said those words. It stings. Totally fucked up… I only went to work and ended up getting scolded for not listening to them. What the hell.

Working gives me a sense of satisfaction. I enjoy working and the passion I have for working at café cartel is great. Damn great. I feel more independent when I worked. When the customers smiled and praised me, I felt good. Working might be tiring but when the customers thanked you, you know very well that you’ve done a good job serving them, although it’s disappointing when some customers scold. When you work, you have a sense of belonging. The sense of belonging is nice and people trust you to ask you to look after the floor. In a nutshell, I like working. . . . . .

I miss dom. He would have understood what I meant. How I hope I could speak to him now. I have so much to tell him. He would sure have the right words to tell me and things that I could do.

Sorriees PRB. Haven been a great companion today. but honestly, I have tried my best to speak up. You guys are the ones I have spoken the most words to today.

Haven been paying attention to lessons today. I have been sleeping instead coz I’m really tired. My eyes can’t stay open for a long time and my mind’s drifting. Will be going to the library tomorrow. Have to do some catching up. Common test starts next Monday. Time to wake up from illusions.

I have cried again, even harder this time but I stopped faster than yesterday. I am so useless. I can’t control myself, my tears. I have told myself never to break down in front of people again, but I failed.

I’m losing myself. It’s tiring to come home and faked up a strong front. hais. . .
huiying once said: sighing kills an angel in you.
But it’s not possible not to sigh. I doubt there are angels in me anymore.
sick again. . . =(