I need to post. I need to spill eth out… badly…

Today is terrible.

I have cried again. I’m useless. . . totally incapable of controlling myself. wtf.

1. I had an argument with dad again, for the same thing. He’s speaking up for mum. He said that whatever mum has done it’s for my own good, but it’s from their point of view, not mine. Why can’t they think in my shoes, about what I wann?

2. I’m jealous. Seriously, I haven been feeling jealous for a long time, and now it’s back. I sure don’t like that kind of feelings. Now I understand, what goes around comes around. It’s now back to me, and I don’t like what I’m feeling. You are the one.

3. All my friends have started planning for their holidays. Whether it’s working or playing or shopping, what’s to be done are all almost planned. But me? No plans. I wann to work but I can’t… do it secretly again? Maybe? Still considering. I definitely won’t be staying at home during the holidays. I’m going shopping, playing, do what I wann, go where I wann, alone or with somebody else, I’m going out…

It’s very sad when all your friends are doing something you would love to do but can’t. it’s very very sad. I’m feeling very emo now, chao sad.

How I wish you would msg me. How I wish you’d be there for me. An 11-words msg like that time will do just fine. It’s all I need.

Listen to the song, “the day you went away” from M2M if you have the chance. It’s very nice. The lyrics are very meaningful from the very beginning of the song. It somehow spurs me on to pursue what I wann…

Listen to the song, “would you be there” from Redwan Ali if you have the chance. It describes what I wann to tell you. The lyrics are sweet, a very peaceful song.

I have to study now. Cannot let anything affect my mood now. Have 2 papers tml and hols will begin. I have to concentrate and work hard. Today’s paper was fine, and what’s over is over. There’s no point thinking about it anyway. I have to do well for my papers tml. Applied statistic has always been the module I wann to conquer. I wann to understand it like it understands me. I will do it. EG1 is the module I wann to score in. that‘s a desire and it muz come true.

I’m not letting go of you this time. I’m not willing to. I don’t like what you are doing to me now. It hurts. You have managed to let me suffer, esp today.

Jialu’s kite theory… you have to let go and pull the kite on and off to let the kite fly higher and higher, just like a relationship, to last as long as possible. But now, you’re letting the kite fly on its own. It’s losing its direction, just like me, I’m at a lost. I dunno what else to do.

I deserved what I get after all.

Very sad. I need dom. I really need him. I dunno when he’s coming back, but hopefully soon. I would love to see him again, to talk to him.

Please be noted. . . You too. . .

I’m getting more and more fragile without your hold. You’re not the fragile one, I am. . .